Does the digital-age affect our ability to process death?

by Caleb Bilgen

While talking with Eric recently on one cool summer evening, the subject of goodbyes came up. We both had similar experiences growing up overseas in dynamic communities where learning to say goodbye became a significant part of our early lives. We differ in one important aspect, though. I am 20 years younger. While reflecting upon past friends and those we have “kept in touch with,” this difference proved to be most notable.

Being born not only in the 70's but also in the remote highlands of Papua New Guinea, Eric grew up quite unconnected from the outside world. The only external communication was by post or visitors coming through. For me, on the other hand, being born at the beginning of the internet-b00m (the 90's) as well as in a capital city, I grew up with the growing world at my fingertips via a speedily developing platform called “the internet.” I remember getting an email address to keep in touch with a friend who was moving when I was just 10 years old!

The rest, we all know, happened so very fast. Facebook and other social media platforms have since re-opened so many doors and photo albums we once thought were behind us and have connected millions of people across the globe. It is a good thing, and I am quite happy to be able to reconnect and stay in touch with old friends. But what does it mean for us as we manage our “real” relationships? Does being connected to everyone all the time cause us to take for granted the few people we are with for some of the time? Does it prevent us from being fully present?

A most interesting outcome is that our goodbyes are no longer bound to the probable reality of never coming into contact with a person again. As a result, are we denying ourselves full closure?

My main question became this – as participants in this virtual-connectedness that appears to be without end, has our ability to process “parting” or “letting go” been affected [negatively] by the development of the digital age, especially social media? Consequently, I began to wonder about the ultimate goodbye – death. Death is where we bid farewell to fellow humans with the relative certainty of never interacting with them again. Regardless of how one's culture views it, death is inevitable. But how do we deal with it when we're losing the “essence” of what goodbyes used to be?

While I understand that to such a blanket question no simple answer can be expected, it is important to consider the implications of our involvement in this digital age as relational beings. Since we no longer experience many “true” partings or goodbyes, how can we maintain a healthy process for dealing with death, the ultimate goodbye?